Explaining emotions pays off!

We’ve known for a long-time that children who have close, loving relationships with their parents in their early years are more likely to relate in a caring and successful way with friends. A 2008 study in Child Development further supports this common observation and provides insight into effective parenting.

Children in the study had the most successful social relationships when parents consistently explained the emotional reasons for actions and interactions. Children benefited when their parents offered detailed explanations that helped them understand themselves and others.

The study looked at several indicators of successful social development in early childhood, including what researchers called a “hostile attribution bias” at 4 ½ years and again in the first grade. Interviewers might pose questions such as, “John throws a ball and it hits you in the back,” and if a child interpreted the peer's behavior as intentional, it indicated a hostile attribution bias. The researchers also evaluated children’s language ability, and mothers and teachers reported on children’s general peer competence in first grade and the quality of their relationships with their closest friends in third grade.

This study reminds us that parents should provide a rich emotional dialogue with their children. If a 1-year-old hits when frustrated, it is helpful to say, “You can’t hit even though you are angry.” If a 2-year old is sad when dropped off at school, an appropriate response would be: “I know you are sad and that is why you don’t want Mommy to leave, but Mrs. Smith is here to help you to feel better and have a good day.”

Parents can also find advice and reading recommendations to help support attachment at our Lucy’s Book Club, lucysbookclub.org. In particular, take a look at our first list of books, Topic one: Feeling strong with your love, which can be directly accessed through lucysbookclub.org/page/former-booklists.

– Mental Health Matters! is written by the Lucy Daniels Center for Early Childhood and posted on the Carolina Parent Magazine's website, the Triangle's family resource - in print for over 21 years!  And online at www.carolinaparent.com.